As an English Major... 

I believe in writing things down. All things. So here are just a few excerpts of thoughts, stories, and everyday commentary I've written down and have found interesting.

Shit My Design Partner Says:


  • "I stepped on a piece of bacon this morning and it got stuck in my foot." 


  • "Oh yeah, I have like a huge stack at home of charcoal sketches of just naked people." 


  • "Hey look, it's a map of every goat in the U.S!"


  • "I have over 12 thousand views of me dressed up like Richard Simmons." 


  • "Hey, it’s Hitler’s birthday on Monday."


  • "If there's one aspect of American culture we have not yet modernized, it's the toilet."


  • "Ow! I keep zipping my beard into my coat jacket."


  • "I’ve been readdressing my relationship with chicken lately."


  • "Mini cupcakes are the friends and benefits of desserts."


  • "I feel so lifeless. I need a Viagra for my soul."




The Goat Man


            When he enters a room, he is met with applause. Professors routinely let him do the teaching. It’s even rumored that he was the inspiration behind the school’s new mascot. He is known simply, as “The Goat Man.”

            At 19 years old, his life has been defined by the horns on his head, and the extra strands of hair beneath his chin. But despite all the popularity and recognition, he moves about campus in baggy jeans and tennis shoes with his shoulders slumped. His eyes studying the ground beneath him. “What would it be like,” he thinks to himself, “not to have these things.”

            It’s another day after class. The Goat Man is bombarded with invitations, questions, and general attempts for attention by a hoard of classmates. But across the way, removed from the surrounding chaos, a girl. He can make out only her brown hair and slim figure, backpack and gray sweater left on the grass. She moves up the side of a tree, knowing nothing other than its branches. He stands there, heart beating, riveted.  

            It’s late afternoon. The Goat Man sits alone in his empty house. No posters or plants. Hardly any books. Just him, a pull-out sofa, a half eaten cereal box on the counter, and silence. What would it be like.

            The sound of the heater clicks on. Outside, engines roar by, groups of laughter come and go. The Goat Man walks into the bathroom. The mirror allowing him to study his horns, and to contemplate his extra hair. Now the sound of a razor blade.

            It’s a new day. And the Goat Man has been noticed not a single time on his way to class. No one seems recognize him without his horns. He lacks any sort of facial hair, and has traded in his baggy jeans for skinny ones complemented by a nice button down. He’s just a normal student.

            Almost to class, the Goat Man spots a tree. There’s no hesitation. He runs right over, hops up to grab a branch, and slips. He falls backwards, landing hard on his shoulder. But the fall does little to hurt his spirit, and he begins to chuckle.

            “Hey, are you alright?” He opens his eyes to find the same brown-haired girl from the other day. “Do you even know how to climb a tree?” she asks jokingly, helping him up off the ground. “What’s your name anyway?”

He looks around, grinning at the gift of a fresh start. He holds out his hand.

            “I’m Chris.”

Kevin Spacey


            God Kevin Spacey’s a boss. Looks like he’s starring in a very interesting theatrical rendition of Shakespeare’s Richard the III. Ah, Wikipedia; you modern day oracle. I wonder if he’s got a girlfriend. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring. He plays all these super dark, depressing characters. I guess part of me just wants to see a more stable individual who doesn’t go around just having sex – or dreaming about having sex – with all these women who are nothing more than objects of his vanity. Through my watching of many interviews, he’s obviously a very vibrant, caring, and charismatic individual. Someone who seems to believe in and respect true love. The lack of a ring though… Maybe he’s pulling a Clooney? Maybe he just hasn’t found the right one yet. Nothing but ambiguity. Damn you, Wikipedia.